The Green Diet

cananbis diet stoned fox

“Diet.” When I hear the word I immediately feel attacked.  An audible reminder that just maybe I should be concerned with what I am putting into my body and maybe I should not have just speed-eaten that entire bag of flaming hot Cheetos in under fifteen minutes.  Sounds like a personal problem? You tell me.

I mean we are all on this quest to be comfortable in our bodies. Whether we derive inspiration from a new Pinterest post, Instagram influencer, or Youtube channel- it feels good to feel good! But let’s be real here, no great story ever started with a salad…(or so says the magnet on my fridge.)

Thus, I present to you, The Green Diet. The modern stoner’s guide to healthy living!

Now, this diet isn’t filled with raw veggies and kale juices- although you may certainly incorporate those into your daily intake. Actually, the more veggies the merrier! This is a diet derived from the intoxicating bosom of Mother Nature herself, Cannabis Sativa! Alternatively, know as Mary Jane, bud, grass, kush, chronic, chron-chron, sticky-icky, Moon Cabbage, Devil’s Lettuce, Rattlesnake Shake, Pakalolo, or in the words of my most recent ex, “bomb ass dank ass purp skurp.” (Thanks, Kyle.)

It must be noted, however, that Cannabis use cannot be the sole catalyst on your journey to weight loss. Sorry to say, but you will still have to exercise regularly, eat properly, adopt good sleeping patterns, and manage stress levels to keep those pounds down. That being said, Cannabis use can undoubtedly assist you in achieving your fitness goals and even in accelerating the process along the way!

In the past, people have often associated marijuana smokers as having a lackadaisical approach and “lazy-stoner” attitude towards life. I call bullshit. Sure, who doesn’t like a catnap? And yes, munchies are REAL, (we’ll touch on that in a bit) but cannabis users are actually less likely to be obese than non-ganja-smokers. 

In July 2013 the American Journal of Medicine conducted a study on The Impact of Marijuana Use on Glucose, Insulin, and Insulin Resistance among US Adults. They found lower prevalence rates of obesity and diabetes in marijuana users compared with people who have never used marijuana, suggesting a relationship between cannabinoids and peripheral metabolic processes.

“ We found that current marijuana use is associated with lower levels of fasting insulin, lower HOMA-IR, and smaller waist circumference.” The Impact of Marijuana Use on Glucose, Insulin, and Insulin Resistance among US Adults

Penner, Elizabeth A. et al.

The American Journal of Medicine, Volume 126, Issue 7, 583 – 589

A study by The American Journal of Epidemiology also concluded that obesity rates were lower by about a third in marijuana users who smoked at least three times a week as opposed to those who did not use cannabis at all.

   “Recent researches analyzed data from roughly 52,000 participating individuals from two national surveys of the American population. In the first survey, they found that 22% of those who did not smoke Marijuana were obese, compared with just 14% of the regular marijuana smokers. The second survey found that 25% of nonsmokers were obese, compared with 17% of regular cannabis users.” Marijuana Slims? Why Pot Smokers Are Less Obese

Szalavitz, Maia

Time Magazine Sept. 08, 2011

There you have it. It’s science, people.

Sure, you can be a stoner and be overweight. It’s all about your methodology. But don’t let anyone come down on you for smoking weed when they’ve got a Big Mac in one hand and a Pepsi in the other. Unless you are a horrible person, then you probably deserved it.

So now that we’ve quelled some of the preconceived ideas of what a stoner is supposed to look like, let’s look at how using cannabis can help with your workout routine.

Take myself for example; I smoke a lot of weed. I’ve gotten down my rhythm and cycle and I know how much and when works for me. Try and think about instances where you feel most comfortable smoking. If you get a little social anxiety after a puff or two, I don’t recommend smoking before the gym. But if you feel safe and sound in the confines of your own, impeccably decorated living room, by all means- hit that shit and pop on a fitness video! I personally love to smoke before doing a yoga sesh. Agree to disagree! Lots of yogis will say that to achieve the most out of your routine you must enter with a clear mind, but we’ve never been ones to follow the rules have we? Try taking a hit of a relaxing, mellow Indica strain like “Lavender,” or an Indica hybrid like “Cannatonic“ which is also known for its anti-anxiety properties.

Yoga at home can be great for the mind, body, and soul and will get you feeling balanced and strong AF in no time. Check out Yoga With Adriene on Youtube. She has her own channel with several 30 Day Yoga challenges that will act as a great daily guide on your journey to fitness and divine health. Nama-slay bitches.

Now on to you, Sporty Spice. Have you ever tried smoking before a HIIT or cycle class? There are lots of Sativa dominant strains that can seriously get your ass into gear, stimulate your focus, fight fatigue, and help blast through that workout. But, remember, with Sativas especially, that dosing is key! You probably won’t want to hit it too hard before the gym, and I would not advise taking a dab, because if you’re anything like me you’ll wind up in a ball on the couch under that scratchy crocheted afghan from Grandma for 8 hours watching Bob’s Burgers reruns- now that’s just counterproductive!

As consumers of cannabis, we must also be aware of the all too common gastronomical phenomenon known as, “the munchies.”


“consumption of copious amounts of carbohydrates and essential polyunsaturated fatty acids after inhaling the byproduct of combusting the hemp plant. (Delta 9 Tetrahydrocannibanol)”

Urban Dictionary, December 19, 2003

Scientists believe that THC may stimulate the brain’s olfactory bulb, which amongst many things, is responsible for your sense of smell, and when your smell is enhanced so is the taste of your food!

This could be why you may have experienced the insatiable urge to devour every edible thing within a five-mile radius after taking a hit or two. Or what about the desire to eat the remains of a questionably old fridge pizza?

You can only fight the urge for so long, so you might as well be prepared.

Instead of pairing two star-crossed lovers like Dorito’s and peanut butter, opt for a healthy alternative, like veggies and hummus! On the go? Try making some trail mix and keep a little bag in your purse or car. You don’t have to go to culinary school to throw some nuts and dried fruit together. Accessibility is key. Have snacks that are readily available to crush those sudden cravings.

There are no real rules to The Green Diet, just guidelines, and maybe that’s why it is so appealing, but I can guarantee that if you follow these steps, be good to yourself, and keep motivated, your body is going to thank you and so is your waistline!

Stay fab.

Photography/Styling – Lola Langusta @thelolalangusta

Model – Kamilla Alnes @kamillalnes1

Hair/Mua – Amy Marie @aiiimsmarie

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